Exercising Boundaries with Social Media
We love a conversation about boundaries in the context of human relationships, but what about our boundaries in our relationship with social media?
Let’s talk about harm reduction.
In psychotherapy (specifically addictions counseling), harm reduction is the terminology used to describe an approach to treatment aimed at minimizing the negative consequences of substance use rather than demanding or striving for abstinence.
I find this model to be a helpful framework for social media use, because complete disengagement from social media is not generally realistic.
Most of us rely on social media to some extent whether it be for personal or professional networking, or mere entertainment. Taking breaks is certainly beneficial, but attempting complete disengagement often results in relapses and proves unsustainable long-term.
Rather than throwing out social media altogether, how can you engage it more mindfully and purposefully?
Doom scrolling is a highly effective way of activating the nervous system and flooding it with stress.
In an attempt to protect us from harm, our brains are wired towards tracking possible threats. Our hypervigilance increases as our nervous systems experience & take on trauma. Though nervous system activation can be a helpful mechanism for promoting future safety, prolonged activation can be harmful, and overconsumption of bad news can lead to increased depression and anxiety.
The lure of doom scrolling…
So why do we do it? What makes bad news so compelling? Social media addiction is referenced as the culprit in some research, whether perpetuated by FOMO or pre-existing neurosis. (Doomscrolling Scale: its Association with Personality Traits, Psychological Distress, Social Media Use, and Welbeing, Seydi Ahmet Satici, Emine Gocet Tekin, M. Engin Deniz, and Begum Satici, Published online 2022 Oct 19)
Anecdotally, in my own therapy practice I find activism and a strong value on social justice to be additional fuel for doomscrolling. There is this misconception that as activists we need to be inundated with bad news in order to be motivated to action. Knowledge is power, right? As long as we don’t take in so much that it immobilizes us.
Returning to the harm reduction conversation for a moment, the suggestion I offer is not to disengage completely, but to promote some balance. Intentionally take time to interact with sources of hope, playfulness, creativity and inspiration in your down time, not just the doom and gloom.
Ever seen the movie Inside Out? If you have, you know what it looks like when a single emotion takes the wheel and assumes total control over our actions. We’ve all been there. When we are triggered, we tend to over-identify with the emotions we are feeling. We forget that we are a human having an emotion, instead fusing ourselves with the emotions we feel almost as if to become them. We become fear instead of feeling fear. We become anger instead of just experiencing it.
Mindfulness helps us find some space.
Back to Inside Out … imagine if Riley could notice her emotions. Notice when anger, fear, or disgust was at the wheel, or notice when sadness went away. In a mindful moment, she could check-in with herself, notice those things, and make a choice as to whom she wanted in the driver’s seat at any given moment.
It isn’t about shutting emotions out. Sometimes it’s important for fear or anger to drive. The goal of mindfulness is to give us the space to choose, so that we can navigate the things we experience more effectively.
… I wonder if Riley will get an introduction to mindfulness in Inside Out 2 🤔
Connection Not Comparison
Generally speaking, social media is healthier for us when we use it for connection rather than comparison.
If you find yourself using social media more for comparison than connection, it may be time for an overhaul.
Questions to consider:
- What accounts are you following?
- Why?
- How do you feel when you interact with these accounts, or when their content pops up on your feed?
- What thoughts enter your mind? What thoughts about yourself?
- What assumptions are you making about other people’s lives?
- How can you refocus on the things you are building in your own life?
- What areas of need have been illuminated by social media that you are prepared to take steps towards?
- What accounts bring you the most joy?
- How are you using social media to connect with the people who lift you up?
