By Melisa De Seguirant, LPC, LMFT ~ Jan 2025
Resourcing
For normative culture misfits, and everyone else.
In trauma therapy, resourcing is a technique (or sometimes a set of techniques) aimed at helping people reconnect with the present moment and regulating their emotional responses. Essentially, resourcing helps bring people back into their window of tolerance.
Outside of the therapy space, however, resourcing takes on different meanings.
Curious about how to rethink resourcing and make it a priority in your self care plan?
Check out the slideshow to get you started, then continue the post below!
When we are under resourced, we lack the tools we need to effectively function. Chronic or profound under resourcing leads to mental and physical illness and disease, and can even shorten life expectancy.
Part of this is related to basic needs. We can’t survive long without food, water or effective shelter. Another relevant aspect of under resourcing to acknowledge is the mental state that it puts us into.
Under resourced people are forced into survival mode.
The fight or flight systems are activated because physical and/or emotional safety and stability are not ensured. By contrast, when we are properly resourced our ventral vagal system comes back online and we regain access to internal calm and the capacity to connect with others.
This is where activism and the sharing of resources comes in. It isn’t fair to expect under resourced people to constantly lift themselves up and regulate their own nervous systems, especially if they lack access to the resources that could actually benefit them.
Be the external resource for a person in need.
Internal vs External Resources
Internal and external resources work in tandem to support us and keep us regulated. Internal resources are the strengths and capacities that exist within ourselves, such as perseverance and self-esteem, as well as the practices we can access internally such as deep breathing or a personal meditation practice. External resources, by contrast, exist outside of ourselves and require us to interact with the environment or others to access them. Relevant examples of external resources in psychology might be friends, support groups, nature or pets.
Outside of the resources commonly discussed in therapy that are intended to provide a sense of calm and groundedness during times of distress, we use the word resources colloquially to describe all of the things we need to survive (aka our basic needs) or complete a task.
Reflect upon the way in which access to basic external resources such as food, water, shelter can impact a person’s internal resources. Someone with strong internal resources, a solid self-image and ample resilience will perhaps fare better under conditions where access to basic external resources is lacking than someone who also lacks internal resources, but no amount of self-esteem will save someone from starvation or dehydration. This is part of the reason that praising someone for strong internal resources while their external ones are inaccessible often falls flat. Furthermore, if someone is denied external resources for long enough, it can take a toll on their inner resources as well.
Effective care involves building upon both internal and external resources.
Which of your external and internal resources could use some attention?
Scarcity mindset comes up often in the therapy space, and can dramatically inhibit a person’s behaviors and choices throughout their life if left unchecked. Abundance mindset, when properly applied, can help to thwart off negative thinking and reinforce the flexibility, creativity, and tenacity we need in order to prevail through various challenges. It can also help us to fully welcome and in accept good things when they come our way. But we don’t just come by these different frames of mind in a vacuum.
Let’s talk about resources & privilege.
It is easier to adopt an abundance mindset when you are privileged enough to have access to your needs without question. Underprivileged, disempowered people are forced to constantly fight for the resources that they need even for basic survival. This not only puts their brains into survival mode with more regularity, but it can also result in internalization of the belief that abundance is not for them, or worse, that they are undeserving of it.
Coming out of scarcity mindset involves conscious manipulation of the contributing thought patterns, but it also involves access to resources.
In my therapy practice, I have come to fondly refer to myself and the clients I work with as normative culture misfits. The brand of misfit I center both in my practice and in this blog, are members of the LGBTQIA+, neurodivergent and non-monogamous / polyamorous communities.
So let’s talk about some resources for each!
🌈 LGBTQIA+:
Internal: Creativity, Authenticity/ Integrity, Flexibility, Acceptance, Perseverance
External: Individual Therapy, Support / Process Groups, Queer Community Centers, Queer Lifelines / The Trevor Project (866) 488-7386, Podcasts & Social Media
🧠 Neurodivergence:
Internal: Creativity/ Innovation, Curiosity, Capacity for Complex Thinking, Capacity to Absorb Information, Defined Personal Values
External: Executive Function Coaching, Group Therapy, Social Media, Visual Organizers / Timers / Planners, Noise Cancelling Headphones, Weighted Blankets, Tablets for Communication, Lanyards / Info Cards, Apps For Organization
💞 Non-Monogamy / Polyamory / Open Relationships:
Internal: Capacity for Connection, Open-Mindedness, Having a Strong “Why” for ENM
External: Relational Therapy (w/ a provider specializing in open relationships), RADAR Relationship Check-in Format from @multiamory_podcast, Meetup Groups, Books / Podcasts, Social Media, Relationship Anarchy Smörgåsbord from @maxxhillcreates
#resourcing #wellness #mentalhealth #therapythings
Melisa is a licensed psychotherapist practicing in the states of Oregon and California, and specializing in working with individuals within the queer, polyamorous/ ethically non-monogamous and neurodivergent communities.