Coming Out as LGBTQIA+ (or not!)
To come out or not to come out as part of the LGBTQIA community. Why is it important for some people to come out, while not a big deal to others? What should be taken into consideration when making the decision whether to come out or not?
Read on!
Sometimes coming out isn’t an option. That doesn’t make you any less queer.
For some people, coming out is not safe. People who are trapped in the closet have to deal with isolation and invisibility in their queer identities, cut off from the queer community that they are very much still a part of.
It can be difficult to work through feelings and affirm one’s identity without access to queer community. If you are currently in this position, try to find small, discreet ways of exploring and expressing yourself. Do you have a creative streak and like to express yourself through writing, painting, music, or another artform? Is it safe for you to follow queer content creators? Can you attend pride or a queer event as an “ally”, to give yourself a bit of exposure to other queer people?
Maybe simply incorporating some queer affirmations into your daily practice is the safest way to get started. Try these:
“I am queer enough”
“My queerness matters”
“My sexuality is beautiful”
“I am worthy of love and acceptance”
“I get to choose whether I share my queerness or not”
National Coming Out Day tends to focus on outward expressions of queerness, however the internal work and the “inviting in” process is just as if not more significant.
Many queer people spend years coming into their queer identity before proclaiming it to the world. Even after coming out, the identity exploration tends to continue.
Coming into or “inviting in” and fully embracing & embodying one’s queer identity entails some degree of working through stigma, internalized homophobia and perhaps even identity repression. Those tasks are often ongoing, and are no less valuable than the exercise of sharing one’s identity with others.
Whether or not you are planning or able to come out to others as part of the LGBTQIA+ community, engage the inviting in process. Spend time reflecting, noticing the judgments, fears or limiting beliefs you’ve held about queer people. Notice where those beliefs came from. Notice the energy they create in your body as you contemplate your queer identity, and what happens when you start to release them. Find others to do this work with.
REMINDER: Our identities shift and change over time
Coming out is not the conclusion of the queer journey. Some people stay in the closet simply because they are still in the process of growing and trying on labels to see what fits, and they feel a paralyzing amount of pressure to “get it right”. And for what? To ensure others only have to learn one new set of labels or identifiers? To ensure they never have to come out again?
Let’s normalize continued growth and development, for EVERYONE. It is normal for ALL humans to continue to evolve over the course of their lifetime. Just about all facets of our personhood change over time… why should sexuality be expected to stay the same?
It is common for people to fear change and to be avoidant of it or reluctant to embrace it. This emotional response to change, however, doesn’t do anything to keep change from happening. Change is inevitable.
Start to look at your sexual orientation and identity development as having the potential for fluctuation and evolution. Embrace every step along the journey to the extent that you can, and don’t prioritize landing on a certain outcome or label.
Focus on the process and come out as many times as you like along the way!
HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!
#nationalcomingoutday #lgbtqia #lesbian #gay #bisexual #pansexual #transgender #nonbinary #genderfluid #intersex #asexual
